A long, dark tunnel

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January 11

I have another space on MSN spaces, but it is mostly about the other side of me. The side that laughs and teases and loves life. There is also this dark side of me, the side that doesn't want to see another day, that feels emotional pain in a physical way, someone who would rather climb into my bed and let the world go on it's course without her. This other person (no, i am not really two people) inside of me has anxieties that stop me from being able to do the smallest tasks in life, makes it difficult to face new challenges or even small every day challenges. Most of the time, I am able to push past that wall that holds me back, sometimes, I am not. Does it make life hard? Absolutely, for me AND for my family - my husband, my children, my parents - who worry about me and have to live with the consequences of depression. I sometimes am so angry, because the person that I once was, is not the person who I am now. Much of my drive and determination and bravery have been lost in the fight to come back out into the light.

Those of us who suffer from this dark demon are not all the same. Some of us are new to this, some of us have fought the darkness for a long time. I have been in this for over 25 years. I was lucky that I had a doctor that long ago who knew what was wrong with me when I first "broke". Some have long term depression and fight it all their lives, others are able to get help in one way or another and put it behind them after a time and never have to look back. All of you are welcome here.

So I am making this space, this place for those of you who feel this way too, who fight against something we cannot see and which threatens to overwhelm us and take us down under. If you want to share publicly, please do. If you want to share privately, send me a private message and tell me how you feel. If I can help in any way, I will. And maybe you will be able to help me too.

You are NOT alone. The dark tunnel you travel might make you feel that way, but we are in that tunnel with you, and together maybe we can come out into the light.

2:21 PM | Blog it | Wellness ~ Depression

Comments (8)

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	Hope ..wrote: Dear Tressie, the cloak of depression is dark, and lonely.. it can drag one into depths of despair that are unimaginable.. and its force can be so overwhelming.. I have battled with depression most of my life.. but have also been blessed in ways because of it.. makes one a little more caring towards others I think.. and more in tune at times to the beauty that is around us.. when we are not in that dark grip of depression.. its hard to talk about. its hard to put feeling down at times.. and at other times it helps more than we know to get it out.. to see it for what it is.. we all go through our own stages.. and I think we all find something that keeps us from slipping away.. it all takes time.. it takes trust.. which for us is a hard word/emotion to contemplate.. or comprehend. we have to know that we are worthly of beautiful things.. of love.. of accpetence.. that is hardest part for me I think.. self acceptence.. I wish you a kind and soft day.. will light a candle for you today if that is alright with you.. be kind to yourself.. soft hugs Hope Jan. 29
	account deletedwrote: Hey Tress-a-roonie --- So what is the deal here? Just how private is this space? Is it set on private for members only? It looks like you have a great screening process in place... but still I am a little leary. It's an awesome idea though so I am willing to give it a try! Hugs, Liz Jan. 27
	ηικκιħartwrote: Hi Tressie, I got your emails, sorry it took awhile to get back to you. I have one of my pictures here...>click here< and my birthday is June 7. How's you're weekend going? It's snowing here, I think the bad weather might be causing my net to lose connection on and off all day, so annoying when I finally have some time for spaces and couldnt even log on since morning! Crossing my fingers it stays connected now:p Have a good night, Big hugs, Nikki Jan. 26
	Faithfulmomwrote: My 17 year old daughter has depression. It was horrible this past year and meds seem to be helping but I wonder, will she ever feel normal. We do a lot of therapy. She refuses medication and I have to bribe and beg her. She will probably refuse when she turns 18. Mentally, I feel ok but I have so much stress with kids, family's alcoholism and chaos. It wears me down. We do need a place to put our minds. I love blogging just for this. Jan. 24
	Just Lindawrote: I saw my therapist today FINALLY. She suggested Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I had never heard about it so google'd it when I got home. I did a BLOG ENTRY today with the info I found - feel free to check it out. Even if it does not help me, maybe it will help someone else. At this point I am willing to try just about anything the new meds are NOT kicking in yet!! Jan. 21
	ηικκιħartwrote: Hi Tressie, It's a very difficult thing depression and i'm so sorry you suffer with it. I have a friend who suffers from manic depression or actually I think she calls it bi-polar disorder, maybe they're the same thing but different names? I don't know much about it but when she is in those dark times she won't answer the phone or door or leave her house until it passes. I feel helpless to help her, I never know what to say or do. I hope this space can be a good idea for you, to talk must be much better than to cut off from people as she does. Wish you a good start to the new week. Big hugs, Nikki Jan. 20
	Bethwrote: I didn't realize the depth of depression until my husband died a year ago. I have fought it ever since. It is very hard, I did go to a therapist once and she told me that I shouldn't cry that I should deal with it. Well, it is very hard to deal with the loss of someone you have lived with and loved for over 50 years. So I am dealing with it on my own and trying very hard to get on with my life. My thoughts and prayers are with you Tressie. Jan. 20
	Just Lindawrote: I have battled with depression for more than 20 years and am currently on a 'down' swing. I recently got my medication changed and am hoping that it will kick in SOON. I am also waiting for an appointment with a counsellor because I know from experience for me anyway that just meds don't cut it. Jan. 20

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