I have another space on MSN spaces, but it is mostly about the other side of me.  The side that laughs and teases and loves life.  There is also this dark side of me, the side that doesn't want to see another day, that feels emotional pain in a physical way, someone who would rather climb into my bed and let the world go on it's course without her.  This other person (no, i am not really two people) inside of me has anxieties that stop me from being able to do the smallest tasks in life, makes it difficult to face new challenges or even small every day challenges.  Most of the time, I am able to push past that wall that holds me back, sometimes, I am not.  Does it make life hard?  Absolutely, for me AND for my family - my husband, my children, my parents - who worry about me and have to live with the consequences of depression.  I sometimes am so angry,  because the person that I once was, is not the person who I am now.  Much of my drive and determination and bravery have been lost in the fight to come back out into the light.

Those of us who suffer from this dark demon are not all the same.  Some of us are new to this, some of us have fought the darkness for a long time.  I have been in this for over 25 years.  I was lucky that I had a doctor that long ago who knew what was wrong with me when I first "broke".  Some have long term depression and fight it all their lives, others are able to get help in one way or another and put it behind them after a time and never have to look back.  All of you are welcome here.

So I am making this space, this place for those of you who feel this way too, who fight against something we cannot see and which threatens to overwhelm us and take us down under.  If you want to share publicly, please do.  If you want to share privately, send me a private message and tell me how you feel.  If I can help in any way, I will.  And maybe you will be able to help me too.

You are NOT alone.  The dark tunnel you travel might make you feel that way, but we are in that tunnel with you, and together maybe we can come out into the light.